regurgitations of a sad n bad girl: on life, love, n evything in tween.
she tries so hard to be happy,
yearns desperately to b understood [about]
april two thousand and three, hong kong [incorporated]
a record of daily events, happenings, crises.
a catharsis for things left unsaid.
a form of therapy.
a domain thats mine n mine only: u dont have to love wat i say or agree w nething i say..u r not important n i dont care abt u.
a place to leave my mark in this world - my legacy [purpose]
musings of a fat girl. emotional crappage.
my own personal space for bad grammar, stupid typos, warped thoughts [content]
all i ever wanted
was to be at ur service
but now im alone
cos u were here and ure gone
and all i ever wanted
was to feel i had a purpose
but now thats all gone
but if u could give me
just one love, just one life
just one chance to believe in my...
just one love, just one life
u bleed for me
and i didnt get to notice u
now im stuck on a line yea
bleed for me
i didnt get to be with u
now ure stuck in my mind
all i ever wanted
was to be what u needed
cos something so strong
it could never be wrong
and all i can promise
is to say what im feeling
we ve made it so long
but if you could give me
just one love, just one life
just one chance to believe in my...
just one love, just one life
u bleed for me
and i didnt get to notice u
now im stuck on a line
bleed for me
i didnt get to be with u
now ure stuck in my mind
just one love in my life
u bleed for me
and i didnt get to notice u
now im stuck on a line yea
u bleed for me
i didnt get to be with u
now ure stuck in my mind
bleed for me
oh wont u bleed for me
oh wont u bleed for me
just one love in my life
bleed for me
oh wont u bleeed for me
bleed for me
just one love in my life
when the doors shut
dont worry bout me
its not attention that i want from u
i need u to trust
who im gonna be
and in everything im going to do
coz im not afraid
of what i dont know
for understanding is all that i yearn
what is for sure
is im gonna go
im going to live and im going to learn
and i know there will be
mistakes that i will make
but i know that none are worse
than chances i dont take
right before your eyes
i am changing, changing
u laugh on the inside
i am changing, changing
when the door shuts
it shuts finally
a new person that i have become
ill follow my heart
to my destiny
living in fear and the sorrow is done
there will be no more feeling
that im all alone
i will surround myself
with things that help me grow, grow.
right before your eyes
i am changing, changing
u laugh on the inside
i am changing, changing
when the door shuts
dont worry bout me
need u to trust who im going to be
when the door shuts
dont worry bout me
need u to trust who im going to be
right before your eyes
i am changing, changing
u laugh on the inside
i am changing, changing
right before your eyes
i am changing, changing
u laugh on the inside
i am changing
everythings so blurry
and everyones so fake
and everybodys empty
and everything is so messed up
pre occupied without u
i cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds u
i stumble then i crawl
u could be my someone
u can be my scene
u know that ill protect u
from all of the obscene
i wonder what ure doin
imagine where u are
theres oceans in between us
but thats not very far
can u take it all away
can u take it all away
when u shoved it in my face
this pain u gave to me
explain the game to me
can u take it all away
can u take it all away
when u shoved it in my face
everyone is changing
theres no one left thats real
so make up ur own ending
and let me know just how u feel
cos i am lost without u
i cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds u
i stumble then i crawl
u could be my someone
u can be my scene
know that i will save u
from all of the unclean
i wonder what ure doin
i wonder where u are
theres oceans in between us
but thats not very far
can u take it all away
can u take it all away
when u shoved it in my face
this pain u gave to me
explain the game to me
can u take it all away
can u take it all away
when u shoved it in my face
explain the game to me
this pain u gave to me
nobody told me what u thought
nobody told me what to say
everyone showed u where to turn
showed u where to run away
nobody told u where to hide
nobody told u what to say
everyone showed u where to turn
showed u where to run away
can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well you shoved it in my face
this pain u gave to me
this pain u gave to me
take it all away
take it all away
i am
insecure. emotional (xtremely). disenchanted, disillusioned n disappointed. supersensitive. melancholic by nature. fragile n easily broken. stubborn. always restless. pensive to the point of paranoia. unhealthily sentimental. demonstrative of my feelings. openly affectionate. i dont forget easily. i listen to my heart more than my head. cold and distant if i dont know u. i dont like nor do i trust people. idealistic but hopeless, hoping but pessimistic. pure in heart but tainted in spirit
i like
books. clothes. diaries/journals. walkin barefoot. sky gazing at night. being disorganized. babies (age <6). clubbing (n drinking). the taste of blood n the experience of pain. sitting by the pier when im down. really late nights. telling myself that im a failure so that when i beat the odds im pleasantly surprised. hugs. being a girly-girl when im in love. being treated like a girly girl when im in love. more hugs. dressing up for the occasion. peanuts n peanut candy. cruelty free candles n incense sticks. smelling n kissing the back of my mans neck. spiritual conversations
i hate
people who chew with their mouths open (esp gum). festive events esp bdays and xmas. having to throw stuff away. asians/wannabe gweis with fake pseudo yanky/pommy/etc accents. nouveau-riche bastards n bitches who think theyre all that. when animals suffer. people who teach their pets dumb tricks. sorority-type airheads. tight jeans/pants on guys. the sight/smell of meat, raw or otherwise. takin cat naps in the afternoon (i wake up real cranky). lies, dishonesty, fakeness
good girl
my honesty. generosity. im very dedicated n devoted. im not materialistic. im earthy. im true n genuine to myself n the ppl around me. i dont play mindgames nor do i bullshit. im environmentally conscious and socially aware. im painstakingly meticulous in my thoughts so im never caught unaware in the end. my inate sense of compassion. im unafraid. im not a sellout (and will never be one)
bad bitch
my honesty. prone to xtreme bouts of mood swings, depresssion n self-hate. i think too much and feel too much. i do stupid things when i feel like it. im neurotic. i dont forget ezily. i dont have a sense of humor. i spend too much money. im always suspicious of people. i procrastinate. when im anxious, afraid or nervous, i bite my nails till they bleed. i get too attached to ppl. im a crybaby. my belief in the existence of a perfect world. my desperate attempts to find that perfect world
i want
to b understood. for all animals to be free. animals to not be human fodder. vivisection, hunting, fishing, fur, circuses, zoos, pet stores, etc banned for good. no racial/ gender/ ethnic/ class/ religious/ political boundariess between ppl. honesty from everyone around me. inner peace. true, everlasting love. to feel excited that im alive. to never lose my integrity. to live simply, feel deeply, love openly and express honestly
I love you Jinneybabe. I miss you and think of you every single day. I shed tears for you still...I can't be by myself yet. I miss you...I think of you and it hurts, like it just happened yesterday. I wish you were here. I love you...you were the most important thing in my life. You still are to this day. Now you're gone and my life is a little less meaningful. But I trudge on, because I carry you with me wherever I am. I have your pictures on me. I have wonderful, happy memories of you. You live in me..you live in my heart. You *are* my heart. You are me.
Happy Birthday Babygirl. You would've turned 16 today. Still my baby, always my baby. I love you, please be ok wherever you are. Kitters with you yea?
just never forget who you are that's what's important. don't ever ever let
your work get the better of you. there's so much more to life than work. i
know this is your "passion" but sometimes you gotta stop and breathe a
little. you need to do that as a human being.
by Sherry Amatenstein
More from iVillage Quiz: The Post-Breakup Quiz
10 Lessons from Bad Breakups
Moving On with Your Life
It's been months since your breakup and your heart's still in a million pieces? You're finding it difficult to eat (or stop eating), sleep, work or think about anything except "How could he leave ... what's wrong with me?"
If this pathetic picture nails you to a lovesick T, here's advice for checking out of Heartbreak Hotel.
1. Let it out, then let it go. Vent, cry, tell your friends for the 15th time how he worshipped the adorable curl of your upper lip. If you don't let your emotions out, they'll fester inside, and so will the louse's memory. So allow yourself one last good wallow. Then stop. Need some affection? Get a substitute object to cuddle. A cute puppy can go a long way toward helping you forget a guy who was a dog.
2. Retrain your heart. You will truly forget your ex once you can literally see him in a new, hunk-free light. It's called creative visualization -- imagining scenes that you want to happen. Close your eyes and remember negative images, like when he had food dribbling off his chin. Racked with rage at his callous behavior? In your mind's eye (only in your mind's eye) make him walk the plank. That should harmlessly blast away those energy-sapping, venomous emotions.
3. Write a relationship profit-and-loss statement. The end of a romance provides a wonderful time to learn about yourself. Look at your assets. For example, the ability to really be there for someone in a crunch. Examine the minuses -- perhaps you were too trusting of someone who hadn't earned it. The bottom line: Analyze what was right and wrong about your old relationship. It will help you forge a much stronger new one.
4. Form a Saturday night club. Weekends are tough for the newly single. Start calling friends early in the week to make plans for the weekend. Have a standing Saturday night date movie or inline skating date. For the volunteer-minded, Saturday night can be a great time to work at a soup kitchen or crisis hotline. And you'll meet others with big hearts and giving spirits.
5. Meet a fascinating woman: yourself. Do the things you've been dying to try or that you'd put on hold because he disapproved of them. Enroll in that acting class, research a new career, take that trip.
6. Beware the rebound hurdle. Just when you thought it was safe to go out with mascara on (no chance of tearstreaks), wham! You're back in love. But try to see this new man for who he is, not as a cure-all. It's like applying balm to a chapped heart -- temporarily soothing, but you don't cure lovesickness by replacing the love object. You've got to really be over your ex before you move on. Which brings us to ...
7. Close the door. Don't fall into yo-yo love. Let it be over. If he keeps calling to say you should give it one more chance, or that he has someone new but wants to stay friends, don't bite. Cut him loose and celebrate the new, improved, I won't-settle-for-anything-less-than-a-great-guy you.
i realize i dont write nemore. ive forgotten how to...n as i mentiond in prev posts, ive lost tht passion to..sux. i have nuffin left good inside of me..i feel horrible whn i tink abt it.
ohwell. u win some, u lose some...
life is boring. boring not in a non-fun way but boring, ie empty n somewhat meaningless..i feel like a robot most of the time, doing work n work n more work n nuffin much else..i gues it dont help i got no friends here. wel forget friends - i dont got ne humans other than jason to b with heh....its not all bad, i dont mind livin or bein this way...i jst fear im turnin into a recluse. is that all that bad? such a big change from who i was jst cpl mths ago tho..granted, ive always been a human-hater. but to consciously go outta my way to not b with ppl, thats freaky. normaly i jst put up w it..i dont fake it. but i put up with it...ive always tot this is the price i gta pay, for not wanting to die or end it all - social interaction. u cant avoid it, gta live it..or so i tot. but look at me now, antisocial n hermit-like as ever..which is somwat ironic coz a whole chunk of my job is abt communication, interaction, etc. well i gues emails dont count.
i miss ku a lot. its a battle to not cry when i tink of her..my pretty baby girl heh. last time i saw pics of her - when jason sent me emails of her, coz id left some pics in his cam when i usd it - i startd to cry...ugh. left for the bathrm to let it all out..frankly speakin, she n veni r the only things tht matter in my life...2 good, divine creatures i do not want to c harm befall upon, ever.
i need to change smth abt it...i feel so empty, despite the loads of goinons here..i do so much, im up to my neck in work. but i stil feel empty at the end of the day....sigh. i cant imagine living the rest of my life this way. i may as well b dead. i dont/cant seem to find happiness no matter wat i do..not tht im searchin, but i do know i feel sad when im on my own. i dont tink its dpression. or mebe it is, but its shielded/masked rite now coz i choose to bury myself in work. i dont know..arghhhhhhhhh
im headin back to bed..or the couch rather. dads money came thru jst now, thing is its barely 9.30am n jason n i agreed we gna sleep in today coz we been wakin up so damn early all this week. headin out to the markets today. for the shoot next week. or something...sigh. dont ask me y im sighing. im afraid to admit it...that phaps, jst phaps - ImJustSickOfItAll.
punkyvegan: dear john, i am writing this feeling lonely and tired. i jst want u to know that im still around and that i havent forgotten about u at all. things arent perfect right now and im just getting by, trying to do my job.
punkyvegan: im still sharing with jason - i sleep on the couch. in fact as i type this im sitting up on the couch, with a blanket over me, as i type onto this laptop jason got for me (so no excuse to not work i guess)
punkyvegan: its deathly quiet at this hour, since jason goes to bed at 12.30, or 1am at the latest. at this point, i hold almost no hope that ill get my own apartment...so im not expecting anything anymore.
punkyvegan: anyway, i figure uve left your job...sigh. i wish we could talk...i wish there was some way. or something...i dont know john. i know uve sent me a message on friendster but i cant bring myself to go to that site anymore...im so so sorry. i feel pained just at the thought - yes, i feel heartbroken re: ray - given circumstances, i think im handling things pretty well.
punkyvegan: but i see what im going thru as yet another break-up. it sucks to the core...its painful and even harder now that im alone. not just physically because i have nobody here, but emotionally as well because i have no one to talk to about it.
punkyvegan: ohwell. take care and i send to u, mae and mari my love and thoughts. take care of that wonderful family you 've got john.
fuck u ray. u used me...u scheming bastard. u scheming, using, son of a bitch. u reeled me in, then used me, then spit me out, then moved on to ur next victim
u sorry motherfucker.
I don't think you understand
That what your doing is not so cool
You think it's funny to mess with my mind
Don't you
You know I like you so you just tease me
You give me just enough
To hang on and on
When your just wasting my time
You're simply wasting my time
So quit wasting my time
Do you hear me when I say
So let me ask you something
Do you think I'm pretty or don't you
Do you want to get with me or not
Are you just wasting my time?
You're simply wasting my time
So quit wasting my time
And what have you got to say
Well things have got to change
See this just isn't right
I don't want to have to fight
And I think I better go
'Cause this ain't working anymore
And I'm sorry, sorry, sorry
Understand that what you did
Was just not so cool
Maybe your just not that cool
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
to nobody in particular. i jst want to remm wat i was listening to, at this point in time..when im feeling shitty n down n dpressed n..alone...n lonely. n hurt.
I thought it was too good to be true
i found somebody who understands me
someone who would help me get through
and fill an emptiness i had inside me
but you kept inside and i just denied
somethings that we should have both said
i knew it was too good to be true
'cause i'm the only one who understands me...
What happened to us?
we used to be so perfect, now we're lost and lonely
what happened to us?
and deep inside i wonder, did i lose my only?
remember they thought we were too young
to really know what it takes to make it
but we had survived off what we had done
and we could show them all that they're mistaken
but who could have known, the lies that would grow,
until we could see right through them
remember they knew we were too young
we still dont know what it takes to make it...
What happened to us?
we used to be so perfect, now we're lost and lonely
what happened to us?
and deep inside i wonder, did i lose my only?
we could have made it work, we could have found a way
we shoudl have done our best to see another day
but we kept it all inside until it was too late
and now we're both alone, the consequence we pay
for throwing it all away, for throwing it all away...
What happened to us?
we used to be so perfect, now we're lost and lonely
what happened to us?
and deep inside i wonder, did i lose my only?
What happened to us?
What happened to us?
What happened to us?
What happened to us?
i feel like i did cpl yrs ago...hopeless, sad, dpressed. i cry evyday now n its a scary feelin tht im beginnin to feel like im slippin away again..i know wat its like, i know wat it feels like. n im not angry...no, im not. altho i wish i was...im jst so teary n dpressed n down all the time. world looks bleak, dark, n im tired all the time..drained physicaly, mentaly.
i feel broken, n i dont want to b fixed...i jst want to not feel nemore, i jst want to not b awake..i want to curl on the couch under a blanky, n sleep...
headin bk to hk in 2 days...im gna try n change the date, n leave on the 13th instead. i tink i want to die heh..nah i dont want to die, i jst want to not live. big diffrence there....im jst tired of living. i feel sick n sad...feel small, n invisible, n worthless. is it stil a suicide if u deliberately put urself in harms way? like..walk onto the path of an oncoming truck or smth. or pray so hard, that smth befalls u. i dont want no qualms abt it...no drama. i jst want to not b here nemore.
i miss ku like nething. i miss her so much, i dont want to c her when i get back...im afraid i wont wana let her go again, im afraid i wont wana come bk here..theres nuffin here for me - plenty more animal suffering, n that disillusions n saddens me. i dont like wat i c here..blatant ignorance of ppl, callous cruelty. i feel more hostile n angry here...we re up against a bigger, tougher battle here n i feel alone..i tire ezily here, doin wat im doin. back home it was realy diffrent...i want to give up here. i feel powerless. i want to give up
god knows ive given up on so many things..i feel empty n sad n numb all the time now. i dont want to give up n join the enemy no - i jst want to admit defeat, n do nuffin abt it...go on holiday again, n jst tend to me for a change. god knows i need it...god knows im stressd out beyond blief, byond neones imagination. i feel so battered, n used, n beaten up. i jst want to feel alive again..i jst want to feel if even a smidgen of happiness - i have no hope rite now. i feel very stretchd to my limits, n i feel i will b totaly broken ne day now...
i yearn for someone to understand me
i yearn for someone to want to understand me.
i feel bloody good abt myself...i went somwhere "far" today n i enjoyed it...its not so bad here after all - heavens, all those horror stories pplve been telling me abt this plc..i even rode on a jeep on the way bk frm the post office =) scary at first n i had to ask the nice woman nex to me how much it cost, if id gotten on the right jeep etc. she even told me where to get off hehe..damn felt good.
im gna go swimming now. b4 it gets dark...or rather, b4 6pm coz i wana b bk by then to watch tv heheh
i dont know u nemore ray. n im not sure that i wana get to know u nemore...
i give up...
its too painful..too hard. n u dont seem to want this..i mean, u certainly dont care....:(
im almost sorry certain things happened. coz its ruined so many things..not jst tween u n me..but its affectd other ppl too. n u have no idea how badly u bein who/how u r now is affecting not jst me..but others too...i wish u knew. i jst wish u knew
so u can stop accusin me of attacking u..which im not.
stop bein so self absorbed for once..look outside of u. look outwards..ure hurting many ppl....
n im beginnin to not like u for it. im sorry...i hurt as i said that btw.
so im watchin this atm..heh. i dont remm the last time i watchd a beauty pageant..theyre so sexist, passe, belittling to women..im no feminist - wel i was b4 i got into the whole AR thing - but really, i dont c the point. wat kind of example r we setting? shudnt they b off the air, banned for good? n wat they say abt fat/ugly/gay women bein the only ones who want to c beauty pageants gone forever? lol how not true.
n theyre so dumb. n thick. here r tidbits from a cpl contestants, i chancd upon em while browsin the site:
"Let's all plant trees to have a clean air and to protect our ozone layer."
"People should learn the proper way to maintain their cars to lessen pollutants in the air."
heavens. shame shame shame.....
semi-workin atm. but my work email is still down..ugh.
this sux. ive gotten bad at writing..but even worse, ive lost interest in blogging...which is realy horrible, given tht ive been bloggin 3+ yrs now n this has been my way (only way) of dealin w my issues, my problems. i dont know wats happend...ive definitely gotten bz with stuff, but tht in no way shud imply tht my life is clutter free n happy now..so much has happ since i last postd n i feel bad/guilty i havent done ne maintenance work on this thing.
ive said to myself millions of times im gna brush this up, finish off wat i startd in terms of layout, design...but i havent begun to even start. i bet all my cliques ve del me off their roster =P lol. ugh..not funny. ive always prided myself on bein able to xpress myself n my feelins in pen n paper - since i dont ve many friends. or at least many friends i can trust...theres my beautiful girl ivy but shes so important to me, im afraid my weirdness/complexities/problems will make her run away n ill lose her..so i dont know. for the most part ive dealt w my issues by buryin em deep inside me - n in the best way i know how - by workin myself to the core, in tht i got no time/brainspace left to tink abt my probs/life..my pathetic life.
im now in makati city in the phils...for work none the less. been here umm 10 days - n countin. n im livin it...wel not livin it big but im doin aight given how things r: tht im currently alone, tht i ve zero friends, tht i know absolutely nobody, tht while ive steppd foot here b4, its never been for more than a wk, n certainly nev been in this city. jason left for the US abt 6 days ago..n im alive n well =) im lonely but im doin ok. the tv keeps me bz - cable here is actualy btr than bk home hehe
i miss ivy n ku the most. at first i missd loads of ppl - to the point of tears..id cry in bed quiety b4 bed(since jason n i shard a rm) - but the cryin wasnt for v long coz i was always too tired to b up for more than 3 mins b4 dozin off...but id dread it evynite, knowin id b tinkin of ppl...tinkin of ppl who forgotten me since i got here. the biggest letdown was ray. he was the person i loved most at the time, person i tot abt most, he was confusin me a lot abt our feelins for each other, where i stood in his life etc - n whn he dint so much as drop me an email - n forget calling me..he nev once calld me, ever - but the zero email was a complete shocker, which i wasnt prepared for..n then i lost it all. id cry evytime i wrote him (w o tellin him of course)..n i had to deal w so many things here, not jst gettin us an apt n all the phy xhaustn (i was gettin migraines evyday coz its so hot here) - but then i had to also deal with copin with havin absolutely nobody to talk to or count on..n worst of all, havin to learn to un-love ray, ie get over him..it was like goin thru a break up..which is a bit of a misnomer in my case, coz i gues we were nev together..altho i loved him in a more-than-just-a-friend way n he knew that.
atm ive gotten cold n ive decided not to think abt him n us nemore..in my mind, there is no us..its jst me...i realize evy single day the more im here n as time goes by - tht im alone in this world n tht nobodys realy by my side, despite em proclaimin so. i hate tht..i hate ppl who reel me in with their soppy "trust me/love me" testimonials n in time u c who they realy r: users. not sayin ray is one, but i certainly ve given him n given up for him plenty. n ive gotten v lil in return..n not as if im the tit for that type - but i flew to see him for gods sake, n to give him the comfort n emo support he needed - n as far as i know, i did tht perfectly, i did not let him down in ne way..n now - not only do i need not jst him, but jst a friend in gen - he is nowhere to b found. i gues hes gotten over his issues n he can conveniently forget abt me.
ugh i hate this..i hate talkin this way abt him...coz deep down i do not want to blieve tht wat im sayin is true...coz i gues some bits arent true. but mebe im jst tryin to convince myself tht hes not worth all this pain n sufferin...n he knows tht i do that to myself: i brainwash myself into 'hatin' ppl jst so i can tell myself tht this is for the best, as in i can deal w the disapointment faster n better. i dont know...i dont want to feel bitter towards him. n i dont want to not love him. but im only followin his cues, n as much as it hurts to say it: he doenst give a shit abt me n i have to accept that, or at least remind myself that over n over. my heart has been broken enuff as is..n i certainly dont want him to break me again - coz i dont tink hes a bad person with ill will. hes jst ignorant n insensitive...by nature. or mebe he doenst know me v well - wat my fears r, wat my xpectations r, etc. coz we spent all those days talkin abt him, n dealin w him n his probs when we were together...twas nev abt me......
sigh. i feel sad now..im gna head downstairs n pick up the paper..mebe check out the tv schedule so i can watch some tv.
i tink today i need to go to the mall to buy some stuff...i wana buy lippy, n shoes. i lost my lippy n i need some walkin shoes..i only ve trainers with me, which is v unfeminine heh..n i def need to get h2o for the house, as well as cereal..some fruit. but i m *so* not keen on battling it out with the crowds. its a sunday n the mall is havin this big sale ugh. sigh...
but i realy do need to go out..n mebe tonite ill go swimmin up on the roof..was spposd to go yest but i dint, coz i was feelin lazy.
mebe once i get my own pc im gna fix up this blog.
reading evything n nething i get my hands on. writing amateur-ish stuff. procrastinating. activism. irc (#hongkong). i collect postcards. workin out at the gym when i have the time [interests]
fahrenheit. paul smith (mens). dkny (womens). vanilla. synthetic musk [scent]
all my children
u r my bliss, an embodiment of unconditional love..u live on with me forever n ever [jinger]
my mama. i grew up with u n will never ever forget u. b4 u i loved no one [kitty]
my fiesty bitch..i loved evything abt u. u were a tuffcookie..i miss you lots [wessie]
my fat cat..when i set eyes upon u u were the most beautiful thing id ever seen. i will never forgive god for taking u away so soon [mae-y]
heh u were a noisy bunch..u taught me how to love animals, twas to b the start of my lifelong love affair with all of u [george, mildred, george II]
u guys never stood a chance...i promise u, i gave u my all n i cried when u left [fritz, spritz, fluffy]
i hope u led a gd, happy life w that jerk..im sorry i had to let u go [bobby the cocker spaniel]
u showed me it takes a special kind of gift to love [michael one & two, michelle I & II, miles I & II]
n to all my cats n kittens living on da streets: trudge on n be strong [all that i live for]
favorite people
object of my sins and passions. my hell n heaven..evyting good n evyting bad. u r love n hate. my pleasure n pain. my euphoria n my suffering [mun]
he taught me how to love perfectly. he showed me how it felt like to be loved perfectly. u were perfectly beautiful, inside n out [tatto]
commitment phobe somewat fling thing. sweet, adorable, tender. intellectually gifted, witty. insecure, distant, cold, stone hearted, selfish. currently lives in seattle [stan]
he saved me from myself..thank u, wherever u are. u live fondly in my memories n in my heart always [roque]
my ex love of 5 yrs...my stupidity, selfishness n immaturity destroyed us n almost destroyed him [AS]
my gf, my best friend. i have never held n will never hold more love, more esteem for a friend than i do for this sweet girl [veni]
the usual suspects
my inspiration n mentor. i have so much respect for him..i feel privileged n honored to know him, plus hes one helluva great guy too. i m never not at ease with him coz we r like the same one person [jason]
we spent so many yrs together whn we were yng, happy n ignorant..tings ve changd but theyre stil a gd bunch to talk to [dimp, sony, kan]
currently
october - twenty-nine - 2003
03:37 +8 GMT
clean, refreshed. sullen. [feeling]
of STAN STAN STAN STAN STAN STAN STAN STAN STAN STAN STAN STAN STAN.....:( [thinking]
thinkin of stan. missin stan. wonderin wat stans up to. wonderin how im gna b when he leaves. missin stan. :([doing]
tee [wearing]
my tvs broken :( [watching]
govinda - kula shaker [listening]
nuffin [eating]
coke lite [drinking]
calendar
[october]
11. out w veni
16. my bday
20. j leaves for bkk
21. leave for bkk
23. stan arrives in hk
25. i arrive frm bkk
31. halloween - party!!
[november]
03. dimps bday
05. shers bday
07. stans bday
10. stan leaves for us
to do
. scan/upload pics
. put roques/tatts stuff in boxes
. buy containers to put under bed
. arrange AS stuff
. stans $100
. buy bk covers for wrappin
. pierce ears
. get drivers license
. send stuff to shah
. get glasses/contact lenses
. send kan her stuff
. tims a & c
. buy print cartridge
. send tatto his stuff
. burn stuff off hard drive
. get tattoo
. vacuum room
. change sheets
. ring up sunday
. ring up nwt
. arrange files on pc
. pay remaining balance of sunday bill
. i owe ryan $1.5k
. send AS his letters
. update online docs
. ring up arunina
. ring up kavi
